The Artist's Way - Week 1
Week 1 of the 12-week course to build creativity
Last week, I commented on the tools Julia Cameron uses as part of her Artist’s Way course to build creativity. A couple of you told me privately you’d purchased the book and were planning to live the course along with me. To the rest of you, I invite you to join in and comment how the course is helping (or hindering) you in your lives!
I found last week’s look at tools interesting. I love tools. In fact, I spend much of my time looking at tools that are supposed to make my life better. Not many deliver on the promises they make.
The Artist’s Way tools - Morning Pages and the Artist Date - get you writing immediately, even when (perhaps especially when) you have nothing to write about. The Artist’s Way isn’t just about organizing your life in a brand-new electronic doohickey.
Now is the time on Artist’s Way when we create.
Last week's work
I believe writing in a journal is one of the best tools for introspection you can find. It is cheap, can be done almost anywhere, and taps into your thoughts like no other activity can. So before I began Morning Pages, I was well sold on the technique. Unfortunately, I had used it sparsely in the last year.
Further, I write in a journal book with no margins, 8.5” x 11”, narrow-ruled. I thought writing three pages a day would be a challenge. It takes me 15 - 18 minutes per page, and I typically have a steady stream of…something…coming out of my head.
Well, to say I unblocked a dam last week is an understatement. I should have completed 21 pages if I suffered through the whole exercise. Instead, I completed 28 pages, with some of the contents comprising both articles I published last week and outlining other ideas I had. I’m very glad I began writing in my journal again. This has been well worth it - for Week 0, anyway!
I did not strictly attend an Artist’s Date. I did spend time reading Sailor Moon, however, and I counted that. Maybe I missed the point last week. However, I already scheduled two hours on my calendar this week - I do not intend to miss it this week.
Recovering ourselves
Week 1 of The Artist’s Way course is titled “Recovering a Sense of Safety.” The message in the chapter is rather blunt. You have likely hidden, repressed, denied, and explained away your creativity. Otherwise, you’d be expressing it.
Cameron has a name for people who live adjacent to art, but do not create themselves: “shadow artists.” Living adjacent to art means living in the shadow of artists willing to make their art public. But living adjacent to art also means being afraid to make your art public.
Shadow artists are described as people who - while they view themselves as creative on the inside - have masked that creativity so as not to show it on the outside.
Cameron gives several reasons this could be the case - unsupportive parents, a society that views art as the purview of unsavory people, internalized feelings of unworthiness - but the result is that shadow artists are scared to make their creativity known.
What we see in the mirror
If the description above sounds startlingly like what I have named The Reflection, I don’t believe that is an accident. The Reflection - as I define it - is what we see in the mirror: what we display to society. But when how we portray ourselves does not match who we know we are on the inside, that mismatch can cause great distress. In my case, the distress was gender dysphoria, and the solution was to transition gender.
I use the term “The Reflection” because it evokes an image simple to grasp. But I want to be clear that the mismatch - and the resulting distress - is not necessarily physical. That is, the mirror shows each of us our physical, mental, and emotional characteristics.
Others may not see the cognitive aspects of our reflection the way we do, but Cameron knows very well they exist. It is what makes a transgender woman as well as a shadow artist.
Get ready to suck
Here’s a quick story from my early cross-dressing days in the 1980s. I put on my sister’s eyeshadow and eyeliner, fully expecting I would transform magically (kinda like Sailor Moon) into a gorgeous, girly rendition of myself.
Er…let’s just say that didn’t happen quite as planned.
Instead, I looked like a raccoon.
I looked like a fool.
I looked like every young lady who applies makeup for the first time.
Cameron acknowledges that - as we take our first steps as an artist - we are not going to create great art. That isn’t how art works. Art takes understanding, art takes inspiration, art takes…well, some skill.
This is not to say that we should wait until we have cultivated expert-level skills to show our art. It is to say to temper our expectations and allow the skills to be cultivated.
Heck, I still can’t apply eyeliner that well.
Get ready to heal
How do we counteract our first clumsy attempts at art (or eyeliner)? We acknowledge the learning process, and tell ourselves we can do it. These are the ever-popular (and much-maligned) affirmations psychologists tell us will help us overcome our fears.
Frankly, I have never succeeded using affirmations. As Cameron notes, they sound syrupy and hollow, which is why I never continued to use them. But, Cameron assures us, what sounds syrupy now will become true in time. I believe affirmations come true for two reasons.
First, as we practice our art, we get better. That’s a simple fact of learning. The longer we try to make art, the better it becomes - affirming statements simply describe the truth more accurately.
The second reason affirmations become true is more subtle. As I mentioned in a previous article, believing in ourselves is key to our success. As we tell ourselves we are artists, it becomes part of us, which makes the art better.
A feedback loop grows - as we believe in ourselves, we continue to make art, which continues to improve through practice. But the practice proves to us that we should believe in ourselves.
In the end, while affirmations make me feel dopey, they probably have been one of the best tools I could have used to combat the clear self-loathing that has surfaced of late.
It’s worth a try, I suppose.
So what's next?
The next week is similar to last week - Morning Pages every day. I will go on my Artist Date, which I have tentatively planned as a walk to the park in our neighborhood to read.
I also will begin finding ways to affirm myself. As I do that, negative thoughts will almost certainly arise, and I will find ways to combat those negative thoughts.
In other words, I will begin to address the fear that has paralyzed me my whole life. I will (hopefully) begin to unravel what makes me so uncomfortable with praise.
This sounds like a baby step, but I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt (beyond a shadow of an artist?) that it’s not small. These are huge steps.
Until next week!